People usually don’t agree with you.

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They’re not stupid. They don’t need clearer explanations, harder facts, or you screaming at them. They are not bigger idiots than you. They just don’t agree. Simple as that.

Except it’s not simple at all, is it?

The Illusion of Conflict

Here’s the thing: disagreement terrifies us. So we do one of two things. Either we create theatrical friction – shouting, mocking, calling each other idiots. A whole performance to protect our identity. Or we do the opposite – we compromise, nod along, smooth it all out. Keep the peace.

Both are ways to avoid real friction. The shouting match gives us the illusion we’re fighting for something important when really we’re just defending our fortress. The false harmony gives us the illusion of connection when really we’re just hiding. Either way, we’re exhausted.

Real Friction Creates Energy

But here’s what we forgot from basic physics: real friction creates energy. When two surfaces actually touch – really touch – something happens. Heat. Transformation. Energy that wasn’t there before.

When you stay in real friction, something shifts. You see the other person as real – not right, but real. Their disagreement comes from an actual experience of the world, not from stupidity. You understand why you both stand where you stand. And somehow, in staying with the discomfort, you become less alone. Not because you agree, but because you’ve met each other as complex humans instead of as allies or enemies.

The whole idea might be wrong — but until we find a better alternative, this is where we plant our hope.

Values vs. Facts

That’s for values. For how we think life should be lived. But then there’s what we do know. The earth is round. The climate crisis is real. Vaccines work. These aren’t opinions – they’re facts.

And here’s where it gets tricky: when someone denies climate science or rejects proven knowledge, real friction isn’t about arguing whether the earth is round. That’s just theater again.

Real friction asks the actual question: I’m curious, how come you don’t trust the facts? What broke your faith in science, in experts, in institutions? What makes you need to believe something else?

The Real Disagreement

That’s the real disagreement. Not to “win” about facts, but to understand why facts stopped being enough.

Because if we can’t talk about that – about what’s broken in our relationship to knowledge, to each other, to reality itself – then we’re fucked. We can’t address the climate crisis or anything else that requires us to act on what we know.

Real friction about facts means staying in the hardest conversation: not what is true, but why we can no longer agree on what’s true. It won’t always work. It won’t always change minds. But it’s the only conversation worth having.

The Limit

But real friction has limits. When someone denies another person’s right to exist — their safety, their dignity, their place in the human story — that’s not disagreement anymore. That’s dehumanization.

And the thing about dehumanization is: it ends the conversation before it begins. You can’t meet someone as human if their whole stance is that some humans don’t count.

So we don’t mirror the hate. We hold the line: every human life has equal worth. No exceptions. Our job is to remember what being human actually means — and to defend it when someone tries to strip it away from others.

The Point

People usually don’t agree. Thank fuck for that. But when we can’t even agree on reality anymore? That’s where the real work is. That’s where we actually need each other.

It’s only in real friction where energy lives. Everything else is just avoiding being human together.